What is the joke here?

The Smuggler – Miscellaneous Jokes

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. He releases Juan and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every week for three years.

Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about…Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

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New List of services offered

Dr. Martin Fried a nutritionist doctor in Monmouth County New Jersey offers a number of different specialties to patients including constipation, reflux, Genetic and metabolism testing, Lyme disease, obesity, and pediatric gastroenterology.  Please look at the list of information below to find out further information on each topic.

INFANT ALLERGIES and FORMULA INTOLERANCES and Milk Protein Allergy
Dr Fried addresses infant formula issues, including which formula to use.

MILK ALTERNATIVES
There are  many alternatives to milk including soy, goat, almond and coconut milk

ANEMIA
There are many different causes of anemia including iron deficiency,

ANOREXIA AND BULIMIA
Food eating behaviors from starvation to binge eating and vomiting are addressed as well as a genetic tendency to perform these behaviors.

ATTENTION AND CONCENTRATION
Alternatives to stimulant medication and DNA testing enables us to use food to help concentration, focus and attention.

AUTISM 
Brain chemicals associated with autism and their relation to the foods eaten is evaluated. A specific diet is designed based on your child’s own genetics.

AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES
Crohn’s and Colitis, celiac, Hashimoto, arthritis, diabetes, kidney diseases, multiple sclerosis.  Dietary changes that can decrease immune mediated inflammation.

FORMULA INFORMATION
Recommendations based on the type of protein, carbohydrate that your infant needs. Individualized recommendations are made.

BELLY ACHES, ABDOMINAL PAIN
Lactose intolerance, fried foods, stress, anxiety, infections, Celiac, Crohn’s, colitis, irritable bowel and other abdominal pain are investigated as part of a complete and thorough evaluation

BODY COMPOSITION AND METABOLISM
Dr Martin Fried will use body composition analysis to help you meet your weight goals.

BREAST FEEDING
Breast feeding may reduce the risk of infections, allergies, eczema, and less the risk of diabetes.

CELIAC
Autoimmune gluten sensitivity as diarrhea, constipation, weight loss, rash and vomiting, mouth sores, tender joints, abdominal pain, bloating, stomach ache.


CHOLESTEROL AND TRIGLYCERIDES
Your lipid profile is reviewed. Dietary suggestions are made in your best interest

CONSTIPATION
Constipation, fluids, fiber, bowel movement size and consistency and ease of passage are discussed as part of a healthy approach to eating.

CROHN’S, COLITIS, INFLAMMATORY BOWEL DISEASES
Find out the cause of inflammatory bowel diseases then heal with proper nutrition

DEPRESSION
Chemical imbalances handled through specialized testing and personalized nutrition for depression

DIABETES
Learn to help reduce your insulin requirements through improved diet and being more active if you have diabetes.

DIARRHEA
Dehydration, vomiting, and abdominal cramps are concerns in patients with diarrhea. Basic diarrhea definition and information is given.

DIET SUPPLEMENTS
Vitamin A, D, B12, calcium and zinc are diet supplement samples of the vitamins and minerals discussed.

FATIGUE
Stress, Anxiety, depression, sleep problems, fatigue, and nutrient deficiencies are evaluated,

FOOD ALLERGIES, FOOD SENSITIVITIES, 
Immune sensitivities, asthma, and histamine release are all related and delved into in the food allergies and sensitivity section

FOOD AND MOOD
The food we eat and the bacteria in our gut play an important role in what chemicals will influence our brain and our mood

HEALTHY DIETS
Dr Fried specializes in prevention, A healthy meal for your diet for your needs can be designed.

HEARTBURN
Reflux causes include  coffee, tea, fatty  and fried foods. Heartburn and reflux video shows how acid ends up in the esophagus and causes heartburn.

HOLISTIC MIND BODY MEDICINE
A whole body approach including lifestyle, stressors, environment, whose goal is holistic mind and body, healthy mind, and healthy attitude

HUNGER, SHAKY, DIZZY, CONFUSED, ANXIOUS or WEAK
Hypoglycemia  may present as hunger, dizzy, confusion with difficulty speaking as shown in the Hypoglycemia video. Treatment involves protein and high fiber food such as an apple and peanut butter.

IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME
Constipation and or diarrhea with intestinal spasms are the hallmark of irritable bowel syndrome

LEAKY GUT
Finding and treating the many causes of the leaky gut is undertake.

LYME, TICK INFECTIONS AND GASTROINTESTINAL SYMPTOMS
Belly ache, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, bloating and heartburn are some of the symptoms from lyme disease described.

BURN CALORIES
Coffee and caffeine as in tea and dark chocolate is one way to boost your metabolism and burn calories. Eating small meals to ward off hunger using a protein and a complex carbohydrate can help stoke the metabolism furnace.

GENETIC TESTING AND NUTRITION DIET
Genetic testing is undertaken to help use nutrition to treat the list of conditions mentioned on this link page.

WHY AM I GAINING WEIGHT WITH AGE?
Even if you eat the same foods, aging alone may cause you to gain weight, learn why.

HOW DOES WEIGHT AFFECT ME?
Being overweight may lead to diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep problems, heartburn and liver disease.

NUTRITION AND FOOD AS MEDICINE
Nutritional medicine is the science of using food to heal symptoms and conditions

PICKY EATER
Investigations into food allergies and other causes of picky eating habits may be undertaken Picky Eater information sheet describes some initial strategies to try in addition to seeking the help of a medical professional.

PROBIOTICS
A good variety of healthy intestinal bacteria helps promote immune health throughout the rest of the body are probiotics.

RASHES
Psoriasis, stretch marks, Lyme, vitamin deficiencies rashes are all diagnosed and treated.

REFLUX, REGURGITATION, HEARTBURN
Acid reflux is a common condition in those with heartburn, bloating, belching, burping, difficulty swallowing, nausea and weight loss.

SNACKS  
Choices can be made using healthier alternatives to fried and fatty food like snacks.

SPORTS NUTRITION
Dr Fried can help design and evaluate meal plans for athletes. Use of protein shakes and individual supplements are addressed.

STRESS INFORMATION
Signs of stress include headaches, belly aches, indigestion, racing heart, fatigue, back pain. Overeating, anger, easily upset with worry, doubt and social isolation may be signs of stress.

RELAXATION TECHNIQUES
To combat stress and worry, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression and anger- techniques such as soothing music, meditation, muscle relaxation and guided imagery are a few of the many techniques that can be employed.

VITAMINS AND MINERALS
Do you need vitamin and mineral supplements?  Let Dr Fried assess your needs and advise you.

WEIGHT ISSUES ADDRESSED
We each have different genetic make up, each one of us has different needs in terms of what our body needs and its own metabolism.  An individual approach instead of a standard cook book approach to healthy eating is taken.

Call 732-682-3425 or contact Dr Fried to learn about the different gastroenterology and nutrition specialties he offers to patients.
– See more at: http://www.healthydays.info/specialties.html#sthash.f7eLX2Im.dpuf

Invisible man

The nurse said to the doctor, ” There is an invisible man in the waiting room.”

The doctor replied, “Tell him I cant see him right now”th5WO4RLBE

Dont get railroaded by this train story

A brilliant young boy was applying for a job with the railways. The interviewer asked him: “Do you know how to use the equipment?” “Yes”, the boy replied. “Then what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?” The young applicant thought and replied “I’d press the button to change the points without hesitation.” “What if the button was frozen and wouldn’t work?” “I’d run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually” “And if the lever was broken?” “I’d get on the phone to the next station and tell them to change the points,” he replied. “And if the phone was broken and needed an electrician to fix it?” The boy thought about that one. “I’d run into town and get my uncle” “Is your uncle an electrician?” “No, but he’s never seen a train crash before!”

What some people will do to get a job

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists…

Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.

In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!”

The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”

The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out

with tears in his eyes.” I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, “This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

Whats in a NAME?

Tom was invited to his friend’s house for dinner. He found that his buddy called his wife every cute name in the book: honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, and baby.

When she was in the kitchen, he leaned over to his friend and said, “I think it’s nice you still call your wife all those pet names.” “To tell you the truth,” his friend said, “I forgot her name abut three years ago.”

Dr Martin D. Fried Specializes in the following:

We Consult A – Z

click on the links for more info or videos

– See more at: http://www.healthydays.info/services.html#sthash.eb7niduk.dpuf