What is the joke here?

The Smuggler – Miscellaneous Jokes

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. He releases Juan and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every week for three years.

Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about…Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

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eat to beat inflammation pain

Eat with a rainbow in mind– Colorful veggies and fruits are rich in antioxidants and help fight inflammation. Include apples, berries, tomatoes, kale, beets and bell peppers

Fishy Fats- omega three fatty acids block inflammatory compounds. mackeral, sardines, salmon, tuna, trout and herring are good examples. Wild fish over farm or tank grown is preferred

Add spices-tumeric protects joints from inflammation, and ginger has similar properties.  Add tumeric to curries, add ginger to stir fries and fresh ginger root sliced in hot water to make tea.

Eliminate sugar drinks– Phosphoric acid in soft drinks makes knee arthritis worse

GREEN TEA– high in antioxidants called catechins and protect joints from cartilage damage

Eat a well balance meal, low in sugar, meat and refined grains since they all increase inflammation.

Have half your plate as fruits and or veggies, 1/4 as whole grains, and 1/4 as protein such as eggs, fish, beans or legumes, nuts and seeds

Engineer joke

An Engineer was unemployed for long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000.”

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “This is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.

Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”

Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.

” Doctor: “But this is $500…” Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Panda, Shoots and Leaves

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich.

The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out.

The bartender yells for him to stop.

The panda bear asks, “What do you want?”

The bartender replies, “First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food.”

The panda bear turns around and says, “Hey! I’m a Panda. Look it up!”

The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: “Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for its stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

Update on Nutritional and Gastro Specialities of Martin D. Fried, MD

Allergies to food video
Allergies formula video
Allergy to formula information
Amino Acid formulas video
Amino Acid formula information
Anemia video,
Anemia information
Anorexia video
Anorexia Bulimia Info
Autism information
Autism gluten celiac video
Auto Immune diseases info
Baby formula introduction video
Baby formula intolerance video
Infant formula information
Belly Ache irritable bowel video
Belly Pain video
Belly Ache information
Breast feeding- fore milk  video
Breast feeding information
Breast feeding and reflux video
Cat Scratch video
Celiac information
Celiac Symptoms in children video
Celiac at any age Video
Celiac Testing Video
Celiac Biopsy Video
Celiac diet Video
Cholesterol  and triglycerides video
Clostridium difficile overview video
Clostridium follows infections video
Clostridium difficile treatment video
Colic
Constipation in newborn video
Constipation information
Constipation in children and adults  info
Constipation and fiber video
Constipation rectal tears video 
Crohn’s video overview
Crohn’s Risk video
Crohn’s and Colitis psoriasis video
Cystic Fibrosis
Diabetes video
Diabetes 2  rash in children video
Diarrhea in children-what to do video
Diarrhea
Diet Supplements information
Fat in stools video
Fatigue information
Fiber chart info
Fish Oil medline info
Food Allergies video
Food Intolerances video
Food Mood Behavior video
Formula Introduction
Fruit smoothies
Growth and fail to thrive video
Healthy Diets
Healthy Homemade Recipe video
Heartburn and reflux video
Holistic Medicine 
Hypoglycemia video
Infant formulas video
Infant nutrition, video
Infection H. pylori persists video
Infections, worms video
Integrative Medicine info
Irritable Bowel Syndrome info
Irritable bowel video
Leaky Gut information
Leaky Gut Video
Lyme Gastrointestinal video
Lyme and Gastrointestinal information
Lyme Rash video
Lyme  symptoms video
Lyme Disease and its co infections video
Chronic Lyme video
Lyme Neurologic symptoms video
Lyme Prevention video
Milk Protein Allergy Video
Milk sugar Intolerance video
Metabolism-Boost your metabolism info
Mycoplasma Infection video
Nails video
Nutrition as You Age info
Osteoporosis web info
Overweight infant video
Picky Eater information sheet
Picky Eater Video
Popcorn snack video
Portion Size video
Portion Control video
Prevention info website
Probiotics, acidophilus info
Psoriasis autoimmune rash video
Rash, stretch mark, infections video
Rashes unique video
Rash Geographic Video Tongue
Reflux information
Reflux video  
skin rashes, physical exam video                                                      
Snacks on the go info
Snack popcorn video
Snack Slurpee video
Sports Nutrition info
Sugar low-hypoglycemia video
Tick Infections video
Tick infection information
Vegan web info
Vitamins and Minerals web info
Weight Issues information
Weight, diabetes, rash video
Weight loss success video
Weight loss information
Weight Gain, artificial sweeteners video

Call 732-682-3425
If you don’t see your interest listed here.

Florida Gator Humor

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, “Are there any gators around here?”

“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?”

“We didn’t do nothing,'” the beachcomber said.

“Wow,” said the tourist.

The beachcomber added, “The sharks got ’em.”

Check Out this Medical Video of Nutritional Items

Dr Martin D. Fried’s is a Nutrition Physician Specialist in Monmouth County, New Jersey. Weight issues, celiac, food intolerances, autism, diabetes, osteoporosis, fatigue, anemia, hypertension, heartburn, high cholesterol, and cancer. He also offers healthy tips for eating out, eating on the run, vegetarian diets. He performs body composition analysis and sets up specialized individual programs. He is also an artist, toy train enthusiast and has a tropical fish tank in his office. He also works with Chronic Fatigue syndrome, food allergies, overweight, healthy eating- See the video below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5Gwq_mHHwo