What is the joke here?

The Smuggler – Miscellaneous Jokes

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. He releases Juan and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every week for three years.

Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about…Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

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eat to beat inflammation pain

Eat with a rainbow in mind– Colorful veggies and fruits are rich in antioxidants and help fight inflammation. Include apples, berries, tomatoes, kale, beets and bell peppers

Fishy Fats- omega three fatty acids block inflammatory compounds. mackeral, sardines, salmon, tuna, trout and herring are good examples. Wild fish over farm or tank grown is preferred

Add spices-tumeric protects joints from inflammation, and ginger has similar properties.  Add tumeric to curries, add ginger to stir fries and fresh ginger root sliced in hot water to make tea.

Eliminate sugar drinks– Phosphoric acid in soft drinks makes knee arthritis worse

GREEN TEA– high in antioxidants called catechins and protect joints from cartilage damage

Eat a well balance meal, low in sugar, meat and refined grains since they all increase inflammation.

Have half your plate as fruits and or veggies, 1/4 as whole grains, and 1/4 as protein such as eggs, fish, beans or legumes, nuts and seeds

Engineer joke

An Engineer was unemployed for long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000.”

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “This is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.

Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”

Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.

” Doctor: “But this is $500…” Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Panda, Shoots and Leaves

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich.

The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out.

The bartender yells for him to stop.

The panda bear asks, “What do you want?”

The bartender replies, “First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food.”

The panda bear turns around and says, “Hey! I’m a Panda. Look it up!”

The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: “Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for its stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

Meal on a Plane

It was dinner time on a British Airways flight from London to New York. As the flight attendant moved down the plane, she asked one of the passengers: “Would you like dinner?” “What are my choices?” asked the passenger. “Yes or No,” replied the attendant
You can get peanuts and a beverage these days if you are lucky.

Peanuts are not a bad choice as long as you do not have mold problems or peanut allergies.

Peanuts contain a mold toxin and can be one of the reasons for peanut intolerances.

Almost anything you order is almost guaranteed to be high in salt in order to give it taste.

I wonder if they offer a heart healthy meal plan,

I know many airlines order kosher meals and vegetarian meals.

What about a meal that is just fresh fruits and vegetables- you may not want bread or a roll if you are gluten sensitive.

I think the solution is bring your own food.

Prepare ahead of time and be prepared. I dont think they serve organic food.

I know they do not cater to picky eaters- nor do they give probiotics

They will supply the beverages.

One thing for sure, you should have a lesser risk of getting exposed to Lyme disease on the plane than on the ground.

Bon Voyage

Update on Celiac

Celiac is an autoimmune disease cause by a permanent sensitivity to gluten found in wheat, rye, barley in people with a genetic predisposition to the disease. There is both a genetic part and an environmental trigger necessary for celiac.

Stomach and intestinal presentations of celiac include belly pain, not wanting to eat, constipation, diarrhea, poor weight gain, weight loss and vomiting.

Other ways in which celiac may present include: anemia from lack of iron, mouth sores, swollen tender joints, behavioral problems, teeth enamel problems, depression, skin rashes, headaches, poor muscle tone, poor bone density, delay in puberty,

Celiac is associated with autoimmune liver disease, diabetes, down syndrome, Immunoglobulin A deficiency, inflamed thyroid, and turner syndrome.

For routine blood testing a tissue transglutaminase IgA level and total serum IgA level is recommended

For those who have low levels of IgA, additional tissue transglutaminase IgG should be ordered

A gluten free diet consists of eliminating foods that contain gluten and also includes avoiding barley or malt extract, bran, bulgar, coucous, durum, farina, graham flour, kamut, matzo flour or meal, orzo, panko, rye, semolina, spelt, triticale, wheat, wheat bran, wheat germ, wheat starch.

Potentially hidden sources of gluten may be found in ales, beers and lagers, breading, brown rice syrup, coating mix, communion wafers, croutons, candy, luncheon meats, broth, pasta, sauces, soup base, stuffing, self- basting poultry, imitation bacon or seafood, soy sauce, marinades, supplements, prescription medicines, over the counter medicines, vitamins and mineral supplements, lipstick, gloss and balms. Consult with the manufacturer to get all the ingredients

Gluten free grains and starches include amaranth, arrowroot, buckwheat, corn, flax, nuts, beans and seed flour, millet, potato starch, potato flour, quinoa, rice, rice bran, sago, soy, tapoica

Probiotics evidence of usefullness in infants and children

1) Early in diarrhea from a viral illness, probiotics can reduce diarrheal symptoms by one day

2) Probiotics cab be effective in preventing antibiotic associated diarrhea in healthy children

3) Probiotics have been found to be safe in infant formulas and foods marketed for children.

4) Probiotics in human milk, can reduce common infections and eczyma in healthy children