Engineer joke

An Engineer was unemployed for long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000.”

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “This is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.

Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”

Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.

” Doctor: “But this is $500…” Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

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Those Drivers,

An old man decides to go into town one day to run some errands. On the way back, his wife calls his cell phone.

“Look out honey, I just saw on the news that there’s a car driving the wrong way on the interstate.”

“Not just one car, they all are!”

Panda, Shoots and Leaves

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich.

The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out.

The bartender yells for him to stop.

The panda bear asks, “What do you want?”

The bartender replies, “First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food.”

The panda bear turns around and says, “Hey! I’m a Panda. Look it up!”

The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: “Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for its stark black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

Priest, doctor and engineer

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”

The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

He said, “Hello George, what’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

Food as medicine

Can food be used to lessen someone’s Obsessive compulsive behavior. What about those with Attention and focusing problems. Those with attention problems appear to be under methylators. They need methyl groups for their metabolism to work. Methyl groups can be found in coffee, tea and chocolate ( methylxanthines). These methyl groups when given to someone with attention and focus problems, helps them to focus because their brain is able to make the chemicals they need to function.

Drinking coffee slowly throughout the day or drinking a caffeine containing drink slowly throughout the day could less or even eliminate the need for ritalin, stratera and concerta and other medications used to treat attention and focusing conditions. There may also be less side effects to these natural forms of treatment compared to pharmaceuticals.

Electric Guitar

Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to paly while sitting in the Jacuzzi

The next day she bought him an electric guitar.

This is a remake of a henny youngman joke:

For our anniversary I bought my wife an electric blender, an electric stove, and an electric microwave.

She said there is no room where to sit here in the kitchen,’

So I bought her an electric chair

Get hooked on this joke

The Old Man and the Sea

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?”

The pirate replies “I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off”.

“Wow!” said the seaman. “What about the hook”?

“Well…”, replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off.”

“Incredible!” remarked the seaman. “How did you get the eye patch”?

“A seagull dropping fell into my eye”, replied the pirate.

“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked.

“Well…” said the pirate, “That was my first day with the hook.”