Engineer joke

An Engineer was unemployed for long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000.”

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “This is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.

Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”

Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.

” Doctor: “But this is $500…” Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

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Those Drivers,

An old man decides to go into town one day to run some errands. On the way back, his wife calls his cell phone.

“Look out honey, I just saw on the news that there’s a car driving the wrong way on the interstate.”

“Not just one car, they all are!”

Priest, doctor and engineer

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”

The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

He said, “Hello George, what’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

This is not a dress rehearsal

The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?” ”Yes, your honor.”

“And why was that?” “Because my wife wanted a dress.”

The judge check with his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!”

“Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.”

Invisible man

The nurse said to the doctor, ” There is an invisible man in the waiting room.”

The doctor replied, “Tell him I cant see him right now”th5WO4RLBE

THE HEALTH OATH EVERYONE SHOULD TAKE:

1) Walking is mans best medicine- even 30 minutes of walking a day lowers your risk for diabetes, heart disease, osteoporosis, and certain cancers. 

2) Know what person the disease has rather than what disease the person has. This means we should take a total approach to the patient including the personality, the home environment, relationships, diet, facial expressions even before diagnosing and treating someone. Its impossible to understand the illness without understanding the whole person. 

For example- many obese patients are in toxic relationships, have a stressful job, and poor sleep. Its hard to fix the obesity if the underlying cause is not fixed. Today a woman called who had gastric bypass 10 years ago at weight 300lbs. She went down to 130 and now is back at 200. Its important to analyze diet as well as job, stress, exercise- factors that contribute to rebound in weight gain.

3) Let food be thy medicine-

No matter what eating style you follow, if its based on unprocessed foods, colorful plants, and little added sugar, and unsaturated fats in moderation- you are likely to be healthier and live longer. 

Less stroke, or heart attack occurs in people who live a healthier lifestyle, whereas processed foods, sugar, animal fats, and artificial chemicals, can activate disease causing genes – they also lack the healthy nutrients that activate protective genes.

4) everything in moderation-Even water, exercise supplements and sleep can be damaging if taken to extreme. Too much VItamin A or Vitamin D can lead to headaches and increased pressure on the brain. Even too much kale can be harmful because it can prevent your thyroid from absorbing the iodine it needs

5) To Do nothing is also a good remedy

Todays medicine seems to tend towards ordering tests and doing procedures rather than listening to patients to make a diagnosis and treatment plan- even if some of the tests and procedures are unnecessary. Sometimes the best diagnostic tool we have is time. 

For example- Giving antibiotics for a cold- the antibiotics wont help and it could an allergic reaction, a yeast infection or dangerous diarrhea, not even to mention the development of resistant bacteria.

If your doctor wants to prescribe high blood pressure medicine or cholesterol lowering medicine at the first sign of a high number- consider that you can change your diet and exercise routine first.

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100 calorie snacks that are good for you

popcorn 6 cups

mini quesadilla

cottage cheese and cantaloupe

3 crackers and cheese

14 almonds

6 whole grain pretzels

baked apple

blueberry smoothie

1/3 cup edamame

3/4 cup mango cubes

8 baby carrots with hummus

apple slices with peanut butter

1 cup tomato soup

1/3 cup dry cereal

1 cup grapes

yoga with sunflower seeds

greek yogurt- 8 ounces

1/2 baked potato with salsa

Not-So-Super Snacks

Don’t make a habit of snacking on 100-calorie packs of crackers and cookies, which are mainly made with refined flour. These snack packs may be low in calories, but they’re also low in nutrients. It’s better to make your snacks work for you by delivering protein, fiber, or antioxidants.

20 pistachios

banana