What is the joke here?

The Smuggler – Miscellaneous Jokes

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. He releases Juan and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What’s in the bags?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every week for three years.

Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about…Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

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eat to beat inflammation pain

Eat with a rainbow in mind– Colorful veggies and fruits are rich in antioxidants and help fight inflammation. Include apples, berries, tomatoes, kale, beets and bell peppers

Fishy Fats- omega three fatty acids block inflammatory compounds. mackeral, sardines, salmon, tuna, trout and herring are good examples. Wild fish over farm or tank grown is preferred

Add spices-tumeric protects joints from inflammation, and ginger has similar properties.  Add tumeric to curries, add ginger to stir fries and fresh ginger root sliced in hot water to make tea.

Eliminate sugar drinks– Phosphoric acid in soft drinks makes knee arthritis worse

GREEN TEA– high in antioxidants called catechins and protect joints from cartilage damage

Eat a well balance meal, low in sugar, meat and refined grains since they all increase inflammation.

Have half your plate as fruits and or veggies, 1/4 as whole grains, and 1/4 as protein such as eggs, fish, beans or legumes, nuts and seeds

Engineer joke

An Engineer was unemployed for long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000.”

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “This is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.

Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”

Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.

” Doctor: “But this is $500…” Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Those Drivers,

An old man decides to go into town one day to run some errands. On the way back, his wife calls his cell phone.

“Look out honey, I just saw on the news that there’s a car driving the wrong way on the interstate.”

“Not just one car, they all are!”

New Year eating program- the basics

Every meal should contain a protein, a complex carbohydrate, a fruit and or vegetable.

Example- breakfast- oatmeal ( complex carbohydrate), fruit ( apple, orange, banana, blueberries) and protein may be one hard boiled egg, or one tablespoon of peanut butter, 1 ounce of cheese, 1 cup yogurt, ore one glass of milk

Lunch-example-Complex carbohydrate such as bread ( whole grain preferred over white), or 1 cup of brown rice. Protein can include 3 ounces of tuna, 1 egg,  1 ounce of cheese, 1/2 cup  of chickpeas or beans or 3 ounces of chicken breast or turkey breast. Choose a fresh fruit or vegetable such as grapes or sliced apples, or a fresh fruit salad to round out the meal. Shredded carrots or brocolli slaw or steamed mixed veggies add fiber to the diet without adding excessive sugar.

You can mix and match your fruit, veggies and protein and complex carbohydrates. You body runs on glucose, a simple sugar and needs the complex carbohydrates in the diet to break down slowly to simple sugars for energy over time. Too many simple sugars like table sugar sucrose, can lead to high insulin levels, and more fat deposited in areas of the body you dont want them. It can eventually lead to insulin requiring diabetes.

The complex slow to digest carbohydrates with high fiber and protein, cause a slow release of sugar into the blood stream and are your best bet against becoming an insulin dependent diabetic. If you are already diabetic, these eating habits can help lower your insulin requirements.

A high fiber fruit and vegetable diet also is treatment for constipation and irritable bowel and may prevent fatigue and prevent colon cancer.

Your financial Health and credit or debit card fraud

I was checking my business account today and noticed a debit that said chkcardMSFT online for 59.39  I havent bought anything online and called wells fargo immediately. They advised me to close that debit card immediately which I did. The claim person asked me if I bought anything from microsoft and I told her no. I also told her it doesnt say MICROSOFT, it says MSFT- so it can easily be confused or thought to be microsoft. I did recently buy a new computer and cables and some teaching sessions at microsoft store but havent purchased anything from microsoft or msft online.  I also left my laptop there at the store for them to install office 365. Anyone who is creative could use MSFT as an abbreviation to lead the account holder to think they bought something online that they didnt.

Check your accounts and report fraudulent activity right away. Keep your finances in the same good health you do with your diet and other activities.

Is this a healthy RECIPE?

Yesterday- I made a stew- using

kidney beans, 1- can

 barley, 1/2 cup

celery stalk cut up into pieces

Baby carrots- 1/2 pound

 few small pieces of lamb.( less than 1/2 pound)

 For flavoring, I used Barilla tomato sauce ( 1/2 Jar)

1/2 onion- sliced into small pieces

3 cloves of garlic- cut into small pieces

Dehydrated seasoning containing- dried onions- peppers, carrots and tomatoes, with basil and parsley

Put in slow cooker, and cooked for 12 hours.

Took it for lunch today- and it tasted great.

Let me know if you think this is a healthy recipe……………..